Join God in this special Family Feud Show. Will you be able to find the good answers?

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Script:

God

Good evening, welcome everybody on Sky TV for our great and famous game show: “Family Feud” ! No need to wait longer: here are the two family teams who are in competition tonight. On my left, the Inpomp family.

all the Inpomp family

Good evening

God

On my right, let me introduce you to the Inglitz family.

Father Inglitz

We are highly honoured to take part in this programme.

God

Thank you. Let’s start straight away with the first round.

God

The Inpomp family leads first. Here is the first question: Succeed rhymes with… ?

Son Inpomp

With weed !

God

Hem hem! Let me rephrase the question: According to you, what makes a life successful?

Father Impomp

Marriage! Love is the only thing that can fulfill a life. Isn’t it true honey?

Mother Impomp

But having a good health is important too.

Grand Father Impomp

Yes, but when you come to my age, you give up that hope. Having children who take care of you, that’s a good thing.

Son Impomp

Yeah yeah… they’ve got it all wrong. Money is the only solution.

Father Impomp

Owning your own house brings happiness too. You feel secure, you don’t need to worry about having a roof.

Mother Impomp

No more worries…except for the loans, especially with your miserable salary! Having good qualifications, that’s a useful thing!

Son Impomp

I”ve got another idea: to be a star!

Grand father Impomp

What was the question again?

Mother Impomp

Oh pardon him. He’s slightly deaf!

Grand father Impomp

Oh I perfectly heard what you just said. How ungrateful of you! Knowing that I raised you and took care of you until you got married, aged 43!

Mother Impomp

Daddy!

God

Well well… Let’s stick to the point! What does “succeed” rhyme with?

Grand father Impomp

… er…

God

Well, sorry but time is off! The Inglitz family leads now. Please consult each other and then give me an answer.

Father Inglitz

We all agree to one answer…

God

Ah!! At last you found THE answer!

Father Inglitz

It was not difficult at all. Everybody could see it but no one noticed it!

God

Indeed, it could not have been more obvious! Please give me your answer so that everybody hears the truth!

Father Inglitz

Well, having a guaranteed income is the main point for us.

God

Yes, sure, how did I not think of it? Come on, are you not going to find the last answer?

God

Come one… just a little more effort… a big one then? Still no idea? Well here is the last answer:

Father Impomp

God who? Who’s that?

Mother Impomp

Allah?

Grand Father Impomp

Boudha?

Son Impomp

Krishna?

God

We’re talking about the alpha and omega here!!! Ok, we’re moving to the second round.

God

The Inglitz family starts. Who in your opinion is the most important person?

Father Inglitz

Me!

Mother Inglitz

Well me again!

God

What the problem with our statistics? Well never mind.

Grand Mother Inglitz

Me… Me… I think…

God

again…

Daughter Inglitz

And me and me and me I also want to answer!

God

Well… when I created the narcissus, I never thought that flower would become so popular. The Inglitz family still leads.

Father Inglitz

Well, apart from me, you are very important too, my love.

Mother Inglitz

Oh thanks, I love you. As for me, apart from me… and you… My Mum is really important to me.

Grand Mother Inglitz

I love you to my little girl.

Daughter Inglitz

Well, I like my friends a lot!

Father Impomp

And I really like the guy who always drinks a glass with me at the pub when everything goes wrong at home.

God

Usually, you wait till it’s your turn before you give an answer. Oh well…

Mother Impomp

Darling, you’re going to make them win!

God

Only two more answers to be found. Who is the most important person to you?

Mother Inglitz

Ophra Winfrey.

God

Ok, here’s a clue. Who is the least important person to you?

Father Impomp

My mother in law!

Mother Impomp

But shut your mouth now!

Mother Impomp

You’re making them win again!

God

The Inpomp family is being really generous in this round… Well, one last answer to find, everybody tries. By the way, in my opinion it’s the most important answer.

God

So, the most important person is:

Father Inglitz

But who is that God in the end?

Mother Inglitz

I don’t know, but the presenter pulls a funny face each time we mention him. Maybe he doesn’t really like him. Anyway, no one was killed.

God

Someone was, precisely! Next…

God

Ok. 3rd and last question. According to you, what is the most urgent action to do for the good of our planet?

Grand Father Impomp

To gag one’s wife!

God

Wrong answer…

Mother Impomp

but Daddy, stop talking nonsense, you’re going to make us lose!

Father Impomp

Yes, but on the other hand, I think he’s not totally wrong…

Mother Impomp

What are you saying!

Father Impomp

Me? Nothing at all…

God

So. According to you, what is the most urgent action to be undertaken?

Son Impomp

I know! Kill the wicked!

God

Strangely enough, the wicked are always the others. So, what is the most urgent action to be undertaken?

Father Impomp

Lower black oil prices

Mother Impomp

Favour ecology

Mother Impomp

Wildlife conservation

Grand Mother Impomp

Peace in the world

God

Well, I see that everybody has their own solution to solve all the problems. Once more, we come to the last answeeeer, and as usual, according to me it’s the only true answer… So agggggain, one last GGGGood ggguess to ggggive. It’s easy! Nobody has it? The answer is:

Father Impomp

But to achieve peace, you first need to know that you are at war.

God

You don’t need to be at war to make peace with me. You just need to know me. And I precisely have an excellent mediator who…

Grand Father Impomp

Well what did he do? I would like to know it!

Daughter Inglitz

Is he dead?

God

No no, he’s well alive and has done thousands of deeds.

Father Impomp

Don’t know him.

God

And yet he’s not very hard to find. One more day.